Glowing above her dashiki, Hillary Clinton addressed a large crowd in the South Bronx on Wednesday. Her opening line, “WAS GOOD, GODS!!!” was met with equal parts voracious cheers and muffled laughter from the largely black and Hispanic crowd, and the crowd noise only increased as she made her boldest campaign announcement to date; she has joined the Fiver Percenter Nation, an offshoot of the Nation of Islam. Although her enthusiasm for her new spiritual tradition seemed to be very high, at times her knowledge of the Nation’s teachings seemed limited at best. Clinton correctly referred to the Black Man as the Original Man, but incorrectly identified malt liquor as her “holy water” while generously guzzling from a 40 oz Olde English bottle and referred to Dr. Yakub (who NOI participants believe created White people as a “race of Devils”) as a “great man.” Additionally, she has named New York rapper Papoose her new Spiritual Advisor, oddly, Papoose was not present or a member of the Five Percent Nation

 When questioned, South Bronx resident Andre Gillette seemed perplexed but nonetheless pleased “I mean, I don’t think she realizes that the Five Percent Nation doesn’t accept white members, shit, I don’t think she understands what being a Five Percenter even means. That shit’s dead anyway, but the free 40s and Newports they gave out, that was real cool of them so whatever really.” This story is still developing, but at press time it seems like Hillary Clinton’s understanding of the Five Percent Nation was entirely derived from Wu-Tang Clan albums.